By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.

The bride of Christ in Cape Town is beautiful.  Refreshing, passionate.  The songs I have been singing since middle school have new found meaning.  The songs are no longer dead, but alive.  Worship brings such an overwhelming sense of peace.  The presence of God is tangible.  The voices are angelic.  I can’t even describe the sound of all the African voices harmonizing together.   The first time I worshipped with other brothers and sisters in Cape Town, I felt right at home, almost at home in the sense of being in the realm of heaven.  Everyone seems to be so focused on meeting Jesus face to face.  There are no distractions.  I can see revival building.  God has blessed me without limits to have placed me in the Church in Africa to learn and grow.

I know I haven’t wrote a blog since being in South Africa, but here’s a small thought:

There’s a homeless man I often past in the street that has Jesus in his eyes.  I can see it with one glance.  Light, beautiful, penetrating, reflecting perfect light.  He almost looks like a seer, like someone who knows the future or has a gift of knowledge.  He knows.  It’s almost frightening to think about, but I want to talk with him and learn.

I am reminded of this So Long Forgotten song, Pilgrim:

“I saw Jesus among the pigeons. I found him in a drunk man’s vision. I just wanna give. I just wanna give. I just wanna give what I’ve been given. This place is bold. This place is dauntless. It needs not our assistance. This place is for the birds.”

Maybe the poor really is Jesus in disguise.

Brothers and Sisters,

I’ve have less than two weeks left in Louisville, and I’m not sure how to respond.  I feel like the enemy has been attacking me by manifesting deep setting doubts and fears about relationships and God Himself.  I honestly feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore or what to think.  I feel plagued with confusion and a sense of not knowing what God really wants.  It’s surely been a battle, and it continues to be one.  Jeff St. has been discouraging from the disrespect men have continuously shown me by making sexual comments or trying to intimidate me, often resulting me getting angry and crying once everything is finished.  This month has been an emotionally intense month as I have faced discouraging and frustrating situations at the day shelter and as I have looked forward to seeing Philip (whom I have been dating since last October, but have not seen since January).  The day Philip arrived in Louisville after riding the Greyhound for 24 hours, I was serving in the day shelter that morning, and I had an emotional breakdown.  Within ten minutes, two men had disrespected me, one with a sexual comment and one with a more physical intimidation as he cornered me while working in the storage closet.  I hadn’t verbally shown anger with the first man, but did with the second man. For as I felt threatened, I became angry with him and then after rebuking him and feeling anger overcome me, I ran into the other corner of the closet as other staff members handled the situation.  I couldn’t handle it, I was shaking and crying.  I was scared and angry and unsure what to do.  All of this happened the day Philip was arriving, the day I was supposed to be overjoyed at seeing him.

After Philip arrived, I was once again overtaken by the emotions of not knowing how to respond.  I hadn’t seen him in over six months.  They weren’t bad emotions, but unfamiliar ones.  As Philip and I spent more time together over a span of several days, we were able to talk honestly and become vulnerable with one another about our emotions.  We shared doubts about our relationship, and a few of our words cut deep and caused us hurt.  Immediately, the enemy was right there to meet us with more confusion and fear and anxiety about the future of our relationship.  I am slowly working through these emotions as I reflect daily on Paul’s words in Philippians 4: 6-7 that declare:  “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Today, the same man that cornered me in the storage closet came in again and was angry with our staff.  I ended up being angry with him again, only to spur him to further anger and foolish actions.  I don’t know what God is teaching me, or if I can even begin to comprehend what He has already taught me here this summer.  I know that these past weeks have been the hardest here, emotionally and spiritually.  Please pray that God would continue to remove these emotions of fear, confusion, anger and anxiety because I know that He does not cause them.  Pray that God would continue to bring me to a state of brokenness and in that brokenness that I would fall more in love with Him and grow in intimacy with Him.  Pray for me as I look forward to returning home to all of you and returning to UNCG to be in fellowship with the community God has blessed me with there.  Pray for everyone that I am leaving here in Louisville, that the harvest we have sowed would continue to be watered and eventually reaped, bringing forth great fruit to the glory of the one who makes all things grow.

I don’t want you to feel discouraged reading this newsletter.  I think this is the simple reality of following Jesus, that we will be attacked by the enemy because he doesn’t want God to be glorified in our lives, and yet in our suffering, God remains glorified.  Paul continuously talks about suffering and the privilege it is to suffer for the name of Christ [Phil. 1:29].  Paul says in Philippians 4:4, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.”  One scripture that I really love is 2 Corinthians 6: 3-10.  It is simply beautiful.  I want to leave you with it.

We are putting no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we have commended ourselves in every way: through great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, holiness of spirit, genuine love, truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; in honor and dishonor, in ill repute and good repute. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet are well known; as dying, and see—we are alive; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

p.s.

I would like thank everyone for continuously praying for me this summer and supporting me financially.  It has been a great blessing to receive cards and letters and to see everyone’s support.  From donations, the HOPE team was richly blessed to raise over $50, 000 this year.  I would like to ask that you consider continuing to donate to Jeff St., possibly supporting and encouraging future men and women serving with HOPE.

Grace&Peace,

Whitney

Brothers and Sisters,

I honestly don’t know where to begin.  The first month in Louisville has already ended, and I’m not sure how to respond.  I’m getting attached to the people here.  I’m closer with the seven women I’m living with, and I look forward to seeing everyone at the shelter each day.  I recognize and talk with friends in the shelter, and I’m learning more about them each day.  The faces are becoming people that I care for and will miss when I leave this city.  It’s hard to think about the future, realizing that I will be leaving in a month and half.  I’m looking forward to being back with everyone and being at UNCG this fall, but part of me doesn’t want to leave everyone in Louisville.

This past Saturday will be a day I remember for quite a while.  After returning home from walking in our neighborhood with the seven women I live with, I wrote this blog.  I want to include the blog in this newsletter because I want to share it with more people that may not follow the blog I write online (lovetheleast.wordpress.com).

Saturdays myself and the seven other women I live with walk the neighborhood picking up trash, visiting with our neighbors, meeting new people, or spending time at the local park with the children and people there.  This morning we decided to walk in our neighborhood and pick up trash.  We had walked down our alley and crossed onto the next road when we saw an empty lot behind a store littered with trash.  We cleaned the lot and were about to leave when we turned around to see Jennifer, a familiar face from the day shelter where we all serve at during the week.  Jennifer had recently been kicked out of the shelter for drinking near Jeff St.’s property.  Trying to explain why she hadn’t been at the shelter, she openly admitted that she has a drinking problem and has cirrhosis due to her heavy drinking.  Earlier in the week she had been in the hospital with congestive heart failure and alcohol poisoning.  As she was speaking to us, she began to cry.  You could see the brokenness on her face; you could hear it in her voice of how she longed to be made right and whole.  She was crying to us and to God to be freed from this bondage she held herself in.  Her voice and her tears cut through me like knives.  I immediately began to feel broken for this woman.  She’s beautiful and brings joy to others, but she has been held in bondage for years.  Her father was a Pentecostal preacher and at a younger age she was on fire, seeking and serving the Lord, but she allowed addictions to have power.  She shared with us that she was abused as a child and entered prison by the age of eighteen.  She showed us scars from being shot and stabbed.  She had a black eye and a laceration on her forehead from a man she was seeing.  She was worn and tired and broken and alcohol was the savior she ran to.  She asked us to pray for her, and we asked her if we could pray for her then.  She softly replied yes and we gathered around her, laying hands on her and holding her in our arms.  She quickly grabbed my hand and held it tightly.  As we prayed for her, her warm tears dripped into my palm as I held her hand.  God’s presence was immediately there.  He was already there before we arrived.  He was planning this for all of us.  I prayed for her as she was shaking and weeping in our arms.  God was revealing to all of us this morning our brokenness as a people.  She kept repeating that she was torn and at that moment I felt torn with her.  I felt broken for her, for all of God’s broken people on the streets of our city.  As I prayed with Jennifer, I rebuked Satan and declared that he has no power any longer, and I prayed that God would break the bondage Jennifer has been in for years.  I asked God to not allow her to drink alcohol and not to let it become an idol that she went to instead of Him.  At that moment, I couldn’t take it anymore.  I began to weep more, and I couldn’t speak, but after a couple seconds of regaining composure, I cried to God that He would break us for one another, that when one of His children is broken, we would see and we would know and feel that same brokenness.  A year or two ago I asked God to give me His heart and teach me to love like Him, and I have continued to pray that prayer.  God has answered that prayer and continues to each time He brings people to me that are broken like Jennifer.  God has shown me how broken His heart really is and it hurts.  It’s not easy to feel the brokenness of others, let alone our own brokenness, but God has shown His faithfulness.  He has shown me the beauty in His broken people.  He has shown me how He loves us and desires to be with His children, even if it kills him, literally.  God has shown us that He loves us to death through Jesus and His death on the cross.

After we prayed with Jennifer, a man walked up to us and asked us if we were praying for a death.  Jennifer spoke and said that we were all praying for her.  The man asked us if he could do something for us and we said “Well, what’s that?” and he replied “I want to sing Jesus Loves Me.”  The man began to sing in a beautiful voice.  His voice and the words of the song brought me and Jennifer to tears.  This man had beautiful eyes, almost a blue color, but his eyes seemed glazed from the alcohol I could easily smell on his breath.  Despite his intoxication, I could see God using this man to tell Jennifer how Jesus loves her.

Jennifer kept telling us that she loves us and cares about us, and after today, I can say I am beginning to feel the same emotions towards her.

I long to feel her brokenness.  I long to see her healing and redemption.  I long to feel God’s heart for her. I long to see her as God sees her.  I long for God to continue to teach us and reveal our brokenness to one another.

Days like today are why I continue to pursue and seek this dream God has given me.  Days like today are why I return to the streets and return to the broken people of this city because I see love and hope in God’s people.

I hope this story encourages you, and I hope it shows you how God is using me here in Louisville.  I must say serving here is not easy.  It’s hard to be at one place from 6:30 a.m. until 3 p.m. four days each week.  It’s physically and emotionally draining.  Each day is not beautiful, as often the people here are broken and that state of brokenness can be seen and heard in the atmosphere of the day shelter, whether it’s the smell of alcohol or the tension caused by harsh words.  Amidst this brokenness God has shown me the beauty of His children. I had a conversation where a women who had been separated from her children said to me that she  had learned to depend on her love for God rather than her love for her kids.  To me that is a beautiful statement, when our love and desire to trust in God transcends all of our other loves, even the love of our own children.  We visited a man from the shelter at his work where he is a chef and you should have seen his smile when he realized we actually came.  Each time we are able to love one another at the shelter, God’s beauty is revealed.

Our neighborhood isn’t very different from the brokenness that is seen in the shelter.  There are whiskey and liquor stores on practically each corner, people intoxicated in the streets, and poverty on each block, and yet God reveals His beauty.  God is found in His people loving one another, sharing dinner together, inviting one another into each other’s homes.  Living in community has shown me God’s beauty in His body.  As we try to love our neighbors as Jesus would, we have been able to see past the darkness of this city to God who is light as He is at work and moving among all of us.

Continue to pray for each relationship I have made with people from the shelter and for our neighbors.  Pray for Jennifer, that God would give her strength to win the fight against alcoholism and pray for healing of her cirrhosis.  I am still in need of financial support for this summer and if you can help financially that would be a great blessing.  You can make checks payable to Jefferson St. Baptist Center and on the memo line please write HOPE-S10-WJ1.  The checks can be sent to Jefferson St. Baptist Center at 733 E. Jefferson St., Louisville, Ky 40202.

Thank you for supporting and encouraging me this summer.  I am looking forward to the final month here and how God will be present during that time.

Grace&Peace,

Whitney

This morning was quite a morning.

Saturdays myself and the seven other women I live with walk the neighborhood picking up trash, visiting with our neighbors, meeting new people, or spending time at the local park with the children and people there.  This morning we decided to walk in our neighborhood and pick up trash.  We had walked down our alley and crossed onto the next road when we saw an empty lot behind a store littered with trash.  We cleaned the lot and were about to leave when we turned around to see Jennifer, a familiar face from the day shelter where we all serve at during the week.  Jennifer had recently been kicked out of the shelter for drinking near Jeff St.’s property.  Trying to explain why she hadn’t been at the shelter, she openly admitted that she has a drinking problem and has cirrhosis due to her heavy drinking.  Earlier in the week she had been in the hospital with congestive heart failure and alcohol poisoning.  As she was speaking to us, she began to cry.  You could see the brokenness on her face; you could hear it in her voice of how she longed to be made right and whole.  She was crying to us and to God to be freed from this bondage she held herself in.  Her voice and her tears cut through me like knives.  I immediately began to feel broken for this woman.  She’s beautiful and brings joy to others, but she has been held in bondage for years.  Her father was a Pentecostal preacher and at a younger age she was on fire, seeking and serving the Lord, but she allowed addictions to have power.  She shared with us that she was abused as a child and entered prison by the age of eighteen.  She showed us scars from being shot and stabbed.  She had a black eye and a laceration on her forehead from a man she was seeing.  She was worn and tired and broken and alcohol was the savior she ran to.  She asked us to pray for her, and we asked her if we could pray for her then.  She softly replied yes and we gathered around her, laying hands on her and holding her in our arms.  She quickly grabbed my hand and held it tightly.  As we prayed for her, her warm tears dripped into my palm as I held her hand.  God’s presence was immediately there.  He was already there before we arrived.  He was planning this for all of us.  I prayed for her as she was shaking and weeping in our arms.  God was revealing to all of us this morning our brokenness as a people.  She kept repeating that she was torn and at that moment I felt torn with her.  I felt broken for her, for all of God’s broken people on the streets of our city.  As I prayed with Jennifer, I rebuked Satan and declared that he has no power any longer, and I prayed that God would break the bondage Jennifer has been in for years.  I asked God to not allow her to drink alcohol and not to let it become an idol that she went to instead of Him.  At that moment, I couldn’t take it anymore.  I began to weep more, and I couldn’t speak, but after a couple seconds of regaining composure, I cried to God that He would break us for one another, that when one of His children is broken, we would see and we would know and feel that same brokenness.  A year or two ago I asked God to give me His heart and teach me to love like Him, and I have continued to pray that prayer.  God has answered that prayer and continues to each time He brings people to me that are broken like Jennifer.  God has shown me how broken His heart really is and it hurts.  It’s not easy to feel the brokenness of others, let alone our own brokenness, but God has shown His faithfulness.  He has shown me the beauty in His broken people.  He has shown me how He loves us and desires to be with His children, even if it kills him, literally.  God has shown us that He loves us to death through Jesus and His death on the cross.

After we prayed with Jennifer, a man walked up to us and asked us if we were praying for a death.  Jennifer spoke and said that we were all praying for her.  The man asked us if he could do something for us and we said “Well, what’s that?” and he replied “I want to sing Jesus Loves Me.”  The man began to sing in a beautiful voice.  His voice and the words of the song brought me and Jennifer to tears.  This man had beautiful eyes, almost a blue color, but his eyes seemed glazed from the alcohol I could easily smell on his breath.  Despite his intoxication, I could see God using this man to tell Jennifer how Jesus loves her.

Jennifer kept telling us that she loves us and cares about us, and after today, I can say I am beginning to feel the same emotions towards her.

I long to feel her brokenness.

I long to see her healing and redemption.

I long to feel God’s heart for her. I long to see her as God sees her.

I long for God to continue to teach us and reveal our brokenness to one another.

Days like today are why I continue to pursue and seek this dream God has given me.

Days like today are why I return to the streets and return to the broken people of this city because I see love and hope in God’s people.

Today has been a really encouraging day. I was able to sit down in the day shelter with several people and read and write alongside each of them. Mom and Grandma wrote me letters and I wrote each of them letters back which was comforting to do. I think it was refreshing to sit in the shelter and simply be a part of the crowd. Grandma had shared Luke 12: 22-32 with me in her letter and it really spoke to me as I was sitting among everyone. The passage talks about how we should not worry about what we eat or wear because God cares for us more than the well dressed lilies of the field or the birds of the air. I thought of how comforting that scripture would be to those around me when the words become reality, to those who don’t have clean clothes or daily food to always depend on. I thought of how crippling our wealth can be when we don’t need God’s provision and can be sustained by the treasures we have stored up on earth. It’s passages like Luke 12 that make me want to sell everything so I can fall further in love with the Creator who sustains me.

I’m hungry.

I’m hungry for more of God, more of His presence, more of His face, and His knowledge and wisdom.

I want to hear His voice and I want to see His face.

I want to know His heart and what it looks like to see through His eyes.

I want more of Him inside me and less of me.

I want to serve Him, worship and love Him.

I want to worship every minute of everyday.

I want to know what He wants and how He wants to use me.

I want Him to send me and I will follow.

I want to see His fruits and His reconciliation.

I want to give everything else away.

I want to fully serve Him.

I want to run to Him.

I want to look into His eyes and feel the warmth of His love.

I want it to fill me and radiate to others.

I want everything He has to give.

Brothers and Sisters,

This past week will be the first full week I have worked with the HOPE team at Jefferson St. Baptist Center and already God is teaching me and moving in ways I can’t count and probably don’t even see yet. Days at Jeff St. start early, beginning at 6:30 in the morning, as we prepare cereal and other breakfast items for people entering the shelter. After helping prepare breakfast on the first day, I helped at the front office, meeting new faces as each person signed in to enter the day shelter. It was a good start to the day, as I was able to become familiar with people’s faces and their names. Mail services begin at eight when people can check their mail. After working at the front office for half of the morning, I walked into the main room of the day shelter to begin sitting down with people and hopefully hear a part of their stories, learning where each person was from and what brought them to Louisville. A man named John, probably my dad’s age, perhaps a little older, was the first person I sat with to talk to. We were talking about where we were from and after telling him that I went to school in Greensboro, NC, he shared with me that his daughter lives in Greensboro. He began to ask me questions like what I wanted to do in life and I shared with him that I would like to serve and possibly live in the streets with the homeless during a period of time, and hopefully live in community with others. As we continued to talk, he shared about how finding work was difficult, since he worked for a masonry that had gone bankrupt once the housing industry was negatively affected by the declining economy . I was able to share with him about how my dad had similar circumstances and had been unemployed, but was working and helping people with small projects as he could. I think John was trying to question me about why I was here serving at Jeff St. and see how I have lived because he was asking me questions about what kind of car I have in a sense of trying to prove wealth or betterment over those I was serving. I was able to tell John that I didn’t have a car, but I had to share a car with my mom when I was at home because we could no longer afford a car for each of us. His whole demeanor towards me changed and he seemed sorry for questioning me as he sensed how genuine I was. I felt connected to this man and I felt that we weren’t as different as society makes it seem.

I’ve had plenty of other conversations with people here at Jeff St., from residents that have lived here, to those coming in each day from the streets of Louisville, and it’s been a blessing being able to serve “the least of these.” It can be difficult talking to those with mental disabilities caused from living years on the streets of Louisville and America’s other cities, but I try to smile and simply listen to each of God’s beloved children in patience and love. I’ve seen men and women disrespect and become angry at one another amidst a sea of cuss words in the shelter, but I have to remember that He that lives inside of me has overcome the world and the power of darkness. Pray for deliverance from the enemy’s power over God’s people and the city.

As I was praying with Jeff St. staff earlier this past week I felt God’s spirit moving and I began to see this vision of God’s broken people being redeemed. God’s spirit and presence was filling the day shelter at Jeff St. and it was becoming God’s dwelling place. It was a ground for deliverance as people’s addictions and the enemy’s strongholds were being released. Through the blood of the Lamb, God’s broken people were being redeemed and called into salvation through the cross. His people were being raised in gifts of teaching, prophecy, and apostleship. These people were living in the streets as God’s people, full of power and overflowing with the Spirit. As poor in spirit, lowly and meek, God’s children were filled with holy joy and outpouring His spirit in our city. These once homeless people had found a home in the secret place of the most High God and each of them were claiming victory over the darkness and power of the enemy. As God showed me this, I was left speechless, literally shaking in joy that God had shared this with me and given me desire to see this vision become reality. Pray that God would fulfill this vision, just as the Lord spoke to Ezekiel, “Say to them, ‘The days are near when every vision will be fulfilled” (Ezekiel 12:23). Thank you for your financial and prayerful support. May the Lord bless your generosity and willingness to serve Him.

Grace & Peace,
Whitney

If you would like to continue to support me financially, you can donate online at www.hopeforlouisville.com and click donate now to a HOPE team member, and you can personally donate to me. If you would like to write a check, make checks payable to Jefferson St. Baptist Center and write HOPE-S10-WJ1 in the memo line.
Send checks to:
Jefferson Street Baptist Center
733 East Jefferson Street
Louisville, KY 40202

the HOPE team

Today, I’m traveling to Mississippi on a relief trip with UNCG.  We’re traveling to Biloxi to rebuild houses.  For lunch today we stopped at a Alabama truck stop.  Traveling close to Alabama I could tell we were getting deeper into the Bible Belt, but I was  very unprepared for the truck stop. Commercial Christianity made it’s appearance known by the appearance of billboards proclaiming “It’s your choice, Heaven or Hell,” with heaven portrayed with nice blue clouds, and hell with fire.  I’ve also seen multiple large signs in the shape of a cross with the phrase “Jesus Saves,” but these signs didn’t even compare to what lay inside the truck stop.  I don’t even know where to begin.  Christian phrase bumper stickers were plastered on display cases and on the inside of the bathroom doors.  A fake wax man was sitting in a rocking chair with the Bible opened to Isaiah 53.  The retail of the store could easily be from any Christian book store.  There were inspirational posters, dvds, books, Bibles, t-shirts, and other assorted gifts.  On the other side of the truck stop was a restaurant called Country Pride.  The Christian memorabilia continued.  In the pie display case, two signs profess “Jesus loves you, but I’m his favorite” and “To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.”  On top of that display case was a quite large standing metal sign of the word “PRAY.”  In the seating section that we ate in, the first thing that you notice is a large cutout of President Bush himself, along side the Christian flag.  What a great display of how intertwined the Church is with the empire.  In other display cases filled with family photos, one bible lay propped open in each and in the corners of the display case’s glass, stickers proclaimed “Jesus!” “Emmanuel” and “Worthy One!”  There was even a vase with red, white, and blue fake flowers with American flags and on the vase, “Praise the Lord” was predominantly displayed.  I could go on and on about how Jesus and His name appeared everywhere.  Each time I looked up, I could see more Christian images.  It was quite overwhelming, and to think, if it’s overwhelming for a follower of Jesus, how are those not following Him going to feel?  The whole situation and over-saturation of Jesus’ name in such a public place made me very uneasy.  Several people from the group overheard me talking about my discomfort and actually thought I didn’t believe in God or follow Jesus, and to me that’s a scary thought.  Since when has the American church proclaimed that following Jesus is only displaying Jesus in appearance by making His name commercial?  All of this is very unfamiliar to me and is quite saddening to see how “popular” Jesus has become.  Let us not forget that the early church prospered under persecution, not when Jesus’ name was plastered in every public place.  Jesus’ kingdom was not of this world, thus as the Church we cannot continue to let Jesus become part of the world and it’s empire.